Whistler's Song Quest
The Hovelton Polka
Whistler stamps his foot and claps his hands in time, establishing a beat, then begins to sing:
Half a bard from Hovelton went for a walk quite spry,
He came upon a Halfling maid, a Beauty to the eye,
He paid her twenty gold and then asked if they might play,
But instead she slapped his face and quickly walked away!
He rubbed his little cheek and chased after the young maid,
And asked her why she’d been so rude after he had paid,
She scolded him again and explained to him quite clear,
This is the town of Hovelton, and we don’t play that here!
(refrain
Oh, can I
Get a little help (I could use a little help)
Where the stream runs through the trees,
Can I get a little help, (I could use some help)
Could I get a CR, please?
He went south to the Ivy Bush, where he could get a drink,
And maybe talk to Nevyn about some new songs to sing,
But when he inquired of the bard the look he got was queer,
The Innkeeper just stared and said, We don’t serve Him here.
He struggled through the patrons, to be seated at the bar,
And looked to see who else was there, but couldn’t see that far,
He called to the barkeep and ordered a glass of beer,
But his server stared and said to him, You can’t buy that here!
Oh, can I
Get a little help (I could use a little help)
Where the stream runs through the trees,
Can I get a little help, (I could use some help)
Could I get a CR, please?
Into the inn there came along a fine and strapping Youth,
Who asked the bard to buy for him a drink of higher proof,
When he reached for his wallet he saw that he’d been tricked
The youth and his money gone, His pocket had been picked!
Oh, can I
Get a little help (I could use a little help)
Where the stream runs through the trees,
Can I get a little help, (I could use some help)
Could I get a CR, please?
He found himself a sheriff then, to file a complaint,
And described in finest detail a picture of the crime to paint,
He told the lawman of how the child had stolen every cent,
But the sheriff screamed “Banzi” at Him, “Protect the Innocent!”
He fled the fight to Pippenwort’s (whom sells pipeweed bread,)
There He found there a sheriff standing by a gnome quite dead,
The lawman looked him in the eye and said without a fear,
“If you are not a Halfling, then You’re Not welcome here!”
Oh, can I
Get a little help (I could use a little help)
Where the stream runs through the trees,
Can I get a little help, (I could use some help)
Could I get a CR, please?
The Half-Elf (camp) Blues
Whistler tunes up his lute and begins a blues rif, leading in to play and sing:
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plankety plankety-plunk
Mah’ Momma was an elven maid, up from Lothlorien,
Mah’ Daddy was a human, that she commenced to see’n
It couldn’t come to end good, that they both could see,
But love don’t ever look ahead, it’s blind as it can be,
Because I came along… their homes they had to lose.
Which brings me here to singin’…these here Half-elf blues.
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plankety plankety-plunk
Mah parents found a thicket and there they built a shack,
That we could have a happy home, just off the beaten track,
They built for me a tree-house, the finest ever seen,
It was the like that every boy can only hope and dream,
My childhood in those brambles… were mighty fine, it’s true,
But before I’d be a man …I’d learn these here Half-elf blues.
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plankety plankety-plunk
Mah daddy aged and pasted away, ‘afor I saw 95,
While momma just retained the look of a young and bashful bride..
Women came to comfort her, and men, they came to woo,
Many Men did come to claim they could fill my daddy’s shoes,
Their numbers grew until the day …a whole camp did ensue,
Leading me to singing-- ….these here dirty… Half-elf blues…
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety-plinkety plunk
Plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plinkety plinkety-plankety plankety-plunk
Palunk-kalunk-kalunk,
Plinkety-plank.
Plinkety-plin-kety, Plinkety-plank.
Many more arrived before the camp became a town,
No lawman among them-- made lawlessness abound,
Mah momma hired guards to come and watch o’er the crowd,
But even to their rented blades the men’s will would not bow,
The humans sent an ambassador, the elves they sent one too,
But it couldn’t stop fate coming…with these dirty… Half-elf camp blues…
Pa-lunk, Ka-lunk, plinkety-plank.
Plinkety-plin-kety, plinkety-plank.
One man tired of waiting after only twenty years,
He come to do the greatest thing that brought about my tears,
He dragged mah momma to the stump of an old tree
Said if she wouldn’t marry him, her death would have to be
Momma says that she be sorry, but to mah daddy she'd stay true,
So Jacek sent her to him, and me into these blues…
Ka-thunk ka-thunk ka-chunk,
Plinkety-plunk
His axe came down swinging,
Plinkety plunk,
Me into these blues…
The (Midguard) Cityguard drinking song
Whistler takes a long drink from his flagon and encourages the Cityguards to sing along as he clears his throat and sings:
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, raise your banners high high high,
Oh, Midguard, Oh Midguard, Stand up proud and high!
The best-of-the-cities in all the Land,
Where people join-together to lend a hand,
And defeat subhuman ene-mies of man,
Except those few who profit we!
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, raise your banners high high high,
Oh, Midguard, Oh Midguard, Stand up and shout Fie!
We boast guildmasters in every field,
And the finest of leather and sword and shield,
Though you won’t find a merchant here who sells eel,
You can buy coffee, cake, and tea.
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, Raise your banners high high high,
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, Whence there shall you vie?
We are the only city with our very own park,
A museum and boat-sailing for a lark,
Or spend your time in our various bars,
And drink until you pee!
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, Raise your banners high high high,
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, What of those who die?
We have a cemetery in the very south,
And a sanitarium for the open mouthed
These sights I swear will make you wow,
If you can find the Key!
Oh Midguard, Oh Midguard, Raise your banners high high high,
Oh Midguard, oh Midguard, We guard you till we Die!
We protect the residents throughout our town,
The janitors and children and the Mayor’s frown,
Even tax collectors in an evening gown,
We swear our oath to Thee
Midguard, Oh Midguard, Raise your banners high high high,
Oh Midguard, oh Midguard, We guard you till we Die!
Way up on the mountain (the Skorlanis Lullaby)
Whistler takes his trumpet and plays in muted tones:
“Bup-bup-bup baww buuup-bup, Baw bup-bup Bawr bup,
“Baww bup-bup Behrw bow bup, Behrw bup-bup behrw bow.”
And then he sings in a soft voice:
Way up on the mountain, the mountain so-oh’ high,
Crane your head back and, hear the wind sigh.
Hear the wind sigh dear, hear the Wi-ind sigh,
Let its goodness just fill you, as your tears it does dry.
Giant-kin live there, and built there ah-ha town,
But you must watch your step there, or you might fall down.
Might just fall down dear, might just fa-hall down,
Might slip off the edge and right out of the town.
Hadric keeps bees there, of the largest oh-of breeds,
Which produce golden honey, from which he makes mead.
From which to make mead dear, from which to ma-akes mead,
To drink with the wild nuts, that grow under the trees.
Next door there’s a garden, be-hind a shop,
Where Helth sells his home-made herbal cough-drops,
He doesn’t sell food there, he doesn’t sell hops,
He sells herbs and potions that he himself stops.
The children are good there, and the maidens are fair,
They wear giant-sized daisies woven in their hair.
Woven in their hair dear, woven in their hair,
And honey-drop earrings, not one but a pair.
Bachlor the Shaman, and Thengar the-huh Chief,
Have banish from there, every single last thief.
Every last thief dear, Ev’ry lah-hast thief,
There’s no need to cry there, no need to weep.
There in Skolnaris is where the Giants grow figs,
Because it is there that all things grow big
All things grow big dear, all things gro-oh big,
So well in that soil that you don’t have to dig.
Way up on the mountain, the mountain so-oh high,
Crane your head back and hear the wind sigh,
Hear the wind sigh dear, hear the Wi-ind sigh,
Let its goodness just fill you, as your tears it does dry.
Whistler whets his lips and closes with his trumpet,
“Bup-bup-bup baww buuup-bup, Baw bup-bup Bawr bup,
“Baww bup-bup Behrw bow bup, Behrw bup-bup behrw bow.”
Thistlerock Bop
Whistler strums his lute, “Twang,”
Whistler strums his lute, “Twang”
Whistler plucks out, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “Once on a time in Thistlerock, a guard jumped o’er the falls,”
Whistler sings, “He had tried to kill himself, but it didn’t work at all,”
Whistler sings, “The cleric said unto the gnome, ‘boy, what gives you the blues?’”
Whistler sings, “The guard just told him “in this town? There’s not a thing to do!’”
Whistler strums his lute, “Twang,”
Whistler strums his lute, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks out, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “The cleric went up to the chief tell his lord the news,”
Whistler sings, “The Priest, he told that chief that there’s only one thing to do,”
Whistler sings, “The chief he asked that rock priest, ‘Tell me, what would be that thing?’”
Whistler sings, “The cleric smiled and explained, ‘This place has got to Swing!’”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “Everybody from every shop, Come on to The Thistlerock Bop,”
Whistler sings, “The chief sent out invitations and broke out his private cask,
Whistler sings, “The Innkeeper was set to work, to cater as his task,
Whistler sings, “They even hired Nevyn to come and play the Gig,
Whistler sings, “Nevyn took the Priest’s lead, while Grimullen cooked a pig,
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “He sang, ‘Come on ev’rybody, let’s shine,’”
Whistler sings, “Dancing at the Fountain an’ Shrine,
Whistler sings, “The Rock-Priest took his git-box and he began to pick,”
Whistler sings, “Every gnome started dancing, even Whisperwick,”
Whistler sings, “once that candle-maker started, the priest’s tones began to wail,”
Whistler sings, “every single gnome throughout the place began to shake their tail,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “Everybody from every shop, Come on to The Thistlerock Bop,”
Whistler sings, “Drizztler took some magic dust and cut it into lines,”
Whistler sings, “Kasselwort took a little much, but Drizztler didn’t mind,”
Whistler sings, “The Psionic Master shook the shaman from his trance,”
Whistler sings, “And when they heard that music, they all began to dance,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “The Kobold spy and bridge troll came up from where they hide,”
Whistler sings, “They put down their weapons and they began to jive,”
Whistler sings, “The master thief and assassin both put down their blades,”
Whistler sings, “If you looked hard you could’ve see them there, kissing in the shade,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “The guards came-down from the fortress, abandoning their posts,”
Whistler sings, “Most of ‘em hit the dance floor, some they ate a roast,”
Whistler sings, “Even the Sergeant came from his cave to give the dance a whirl,”
Whistler sings, “I think he might still be there, going from girl to girl.”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler strums, “Twang,”
Whistler plucks, “Plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plinkey-plank”
Whistler sings, “He sang, ‘Come on ev’rybody, let’s shine,’”
Whistler sings, “Dancing at the Fountain an’ Shrine,
Whistler sings, “Everybody from every shop, Come on to The Thistlerock Bop,”
Whistler swings his arm wide for the grand flourishing final strum, “Twang”
Whistler bows
The Shattering : Dwarvenhold
Whistler's Notes: this one is a heavily structural iambic peice, which is quadrametric, dimetric and trimetric. Tou may also notice a more complex rhyme scheme between the first 3 lines of each stanza than you may be used to, but this type of structure would not have been unusual in 1th Century Europe.)
Whistler plucks out a madrigal on his lyre, and begins singing:
‘I rue to leave this Cit-a-del,’
Cried’ good-king Zen-ta-ri-on,
‘But keeping safe the Dwarven race
Must come before our pride,’
All dwarves before our pride.
The King, he left The Flame behind,
To burn the darkness and remind
The Cavern’s stones who’d carved its bones:
His people and his bride,
His Queen Sylette, his bride.
The Cit-a-del had served them well
A-gainst both polyps and n’Kai
Dwarves guarded well by crystal spell,
Carved from the mountains heart
They’d carved the mountains heart
To their west they did their best
To pull the metal from the stone
Their mine bore down into the ground
To Duegar claims intrude,
The Dark Dwarves took it rude.
The Duegar King offended by
The trespass on his kingdom’s lie,
A plan he hatched and spy dispatched,
To break the crystal spell,
To shake that warding spell.
The goad he found no flaw to spite
Within the carven heart of stone,
But in his plight he fell in sight
Of Card’nal’s watchful eye,
Auroron’d seen the spy.
The Cleric cried for Sha-man Guard,
Go-lems and Cap-tain Ca-rin
Then conjured spell that foe to fell
And let the magic fly,
The priest let magic fly.
The holy flames engulfed the foe
And sealed him up from head to toe
In nearest stone: the mountain’s bone
Within the mountains heart,
He was caught within the heart.
With that dark taint within its bounds,
The flawless stone a flaw had found,
And shuddered grim, then shattered trim,
The mountain’s heart in parts…
The stone ward flown apart,
The Duegar king, he praised the crash
That echoed of his vengeance won
He held his lash and breath did catch,
For foe’s impending doom,
For light dwarves coming doom.
The swarming spawn and polyps check’d
No more by that crystal ward
Tumbled the walls and entered all,
Upon the dwarves to feast,
The monsters had their feast.
“We must fall back!” The steward cried,
Before these polyps and n’Kai,
To Dwarvenhold, and Keep’s enfold,
Before all of us must die,
Before none were left to die..
‘I rue to leave this Cit-a-del,’
Cried’ good-king Zen-ta-ri-on,
‘But keeping safe the Dwarven race
Must come before our pride,’
All dwarves before our pride.
Worms for me (The Aracity Jig)
Whistler takes out his pan pipes and begins to play
Whistler plays: Peeple-a-peep peep-peep, hoot-hoot,
Whistler plays: Peeple-a-peep, peep-hoot
Whistler plays: Peeple-a-peep peep-poot, to-toot
Whistler plays: hoopa-ta-peep, peep poot
Whistler dances a little jig
Whistler croons: When I was just a fledgling on an Aracity ledge,
Whistler croons: My mother told me eat my gruel, and this is what I said:
Whistler croons: Can’t I have some worms ma-ma, can’t I have some worms?
Whistler croons: How else can a growing bird fight off all the germs?
Whistler croons: She looked at me with kindness but with a look of pain,
Whistler croons: After a little trouble, she managed to explain:
Whistler croons: You are just a little bird, though you’re growing fast,
Whistler croons: One thing that the flock has learned throughout our past,
Whistler croons: Is that the mighty need the strength given by a worm repast,
Whistler croons: So..After those have ate their fill, then you can have your turn.
Whistler dances a little jig
Whistler croons: Oh mother bird oh matron, how can you be so cruel,
Whistler croons: I cried out as I looked to her o’er my bowl of gruel,
Whistler croons: The taxidermist eats seaweed and the vendors curried grubs,
Whistler croons: The guildmasters eat rodent stew and the guards eat rat kabub,
Whistler croons: Even in the fortress, to see who there is hid,
Whistler croons: They all eat black centipede and feast on eye of squid,
Whistler croons: So tell me please oh mother bird, on whom then must I wait,
Whistler croons: Before the time might come before I can get a plate,
Whistler croons: Of tasty worms like you have got, when mom will I rate?
Whistler dances a little jig
Whistler croons: She looked at me across the nest and much to my surprise,
Whistler croons: I saw a knowing twinkle in those weary troubled eyes,
Whistler croons: Do you really think, she said to me, it’s they who need the might,
Whistler croons: For all these years I thought I’d fledged a son with second sight,
Whistler croons: Not one of them among the flock, not one in that whole crew,
Whistler croons: Has the might will to put up with a child like you…
Whistler croons: She handed me her bowl then, and pushed aside my swill,
Whistler croons: She said that she had had enough, that she had had her fill.
Whistler croons:
Whistler croons: Oh worms for me, oh worms for me,
Whistler croons: Oh thank you mother who let it be,
Whistler croons: On all the land and all the sea, There is no other dish for me,
Whistler croons: Curried grubs and rat kabob may be fine and tasty true,
Whistler croons: As is eye of squid and seaweed, and spicy rodent stew,
Whistler croons: But of all the edible treats there are, not even centipede
Whistler croons: Can compare to what I waaant.…. It’ll be worms for me!
Whistler plays: Poot-poot a-peep-poot, hoot-hoot!
Whistler Bows
The march of Art (Og cadence call)
Whistler takes out his drum and begins to beat a cadence call, then he chants:
Art he no like gronk *Boom-Boom*
He march he into swamp *Boom-Boom*
Led he by the head he that the shaman he had shrunk
- Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom*
- Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! *Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom*
Art take he into bog *boom-boom*
Both he sons Ugg and Og *boom-boom*
He take he little Juju and he concubines and dogs
Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Lead Us! *Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! Lead Us!*Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom*
Art he find four hills
Where to dig well and people kill
So the elders come to build huts where all can eat their fill.
Destroyer! *boom-boom*
Feed Us! *boom-Boom*
Destroyer! Feed Us! *Boom Boom, Boom-Boom*
Og he say he strong and smart
Say he can beat he father Art
So he jump him on the skull top and then the fight it start.
Destroyer! Destroyer! Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Art beat he son Og down
Till he lying on the ground,
The Warriors and Guards they come to see and them surround.
Destroyer! Destroyer! Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Art raise he up he sword,
Rain down on they both it poured,
Then Art he scream that only he be Ogre Lord!
Destroyer! *boom-boom*
Judge Him! *boom-Boom*
Destroyer! Judge Him! *Boom Boom, Boom-Boom*
Then Lightning from up high
Come hit Art and then he die
Blow off he head and body take to vortex up in sky.
Destroyer! *boom-boom*
Spare Us! *boom-Boom*
Destroyer! Spare Us! *Boom Boom, Boom-Boom*
Og stand up and say he chief
Say Nash say that it he fief
With the god on he side that nobody better beef!
Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Lead Us! *Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! Lead Us!*Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom*
Now we call our town Og
Our four hills out in the bog
To remind us that in elders time our chief was made by god.
Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
Destroyer! *Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom*
Destroyer! Destroyer! Destroyer! *Boom-Boom*
whistler bows.
Lothlorien Sestina
Whister's Notes: This sestina is structuarlly identical to Elizabeth Bishop's famous sestina. if you are looking for rhymes, you'll be sorely disappointed. i'll be performing it tomorrow with appropriate props.
Droplets splatter across green leaves,
To the plants’ joy and chagrin of small monkeys.
From their lofty forest shops elves
Rush across woven fiber bridges
To shelter promised by hollow trees.
Gentlemen and ladies alike rained
On, while Ramona’s arrows rain
Down from on high until the enemy leaves
To seek refuge in some hollow. Trees
Grow damp, both great and small. Monkey
Business perpetrated on bridges
By slight children all can see are elves
Goes without notice to the elf
That wears the wizards cloak against the rain.
For him, magic itself is bridge
Enough, for between the worlds he leaves
and goes, he is but a small monkey
Scampering to his hollow trees.
Because all worlds are but hollow trees.
Their master is not man, dwarf nor elf,
No more than birds and beasts or small monkeys.
The nature of a world is its rain
That carves deep valleys and trembles leaves
From its lightest mist to terrible bridge
Breaking hurricane that sways bridges
Threatening their tether to hollow trees
In its joyous wrath untouched it leaves
Its own nature, understood by elves
Alone. They who live and love in rain
And sun let it suffice. Their small monkey
Nature reminds them that small monkeys
Are a part of that whole, a bridge
Solid between each drop of rain,
Each animal, every stout and hollow tree.
The secret truth know to all elves:
A glistening drop on a quivering leaf.
Thundering rain falls through hollow trees,
Damp, small monkeys cling perilously to bridges,
And an elf finds succor embraced beneath the leaves.
Ballad of Chester and Annabelle (Harper's Landing)
aka 'dear Chester'
Whisterl's Notes: Ok, this one was the toughest of the bunch for me to write. (I'm not into country that much)
Whistler Pulls out his lute and begins playing a country song.
Twang-Twang twang, twangy-plink twang twannnng,
Plink plink plink, plinkey-twannng twang twanng.
Twangey-plink a twangey-plink, twangey-plink a twang,
Plink plink plink, twangey plink a twangey-plink.
Once as spring was ending, came a maid to Harpers-dock,
A city girl from Midguard, with bright eyes and golden locks,
But to young and lovelorn Chester, she was all he’d hoped to find,
To him, she was the one he’d always had in mind . . .
He told her Annabelle, you are the one I’ve always dreamed
Would come some day and be the butter to my cream,
I know that we’ve on-ly just met, but I’ve got nothing to hide,
And I was wondering how can I make you my bride . . .
She told him: Chester, you’re such a silly sot,
I’ve only come here-to get away from-the summer city’s hot,
I’ll be nice to you while I’m here, but I don’t date men in rags,
I won’t take your hand but you can take my bags.
The summer long he held her hand, they took long walks by the river’s sand,
She marveled at the clear blue skies, he marveled at her bright blue eyes,
He told her of the founding of the town:
of how Harper’d put the vile orcs down,
She let him touch the hem of her gown,
But no more as they walked throughout the land,
Still he promised when he found that treasure, he’d take her hand . . .
Twang-Twang twang, twangy-plink twang twannnng,
Plink plink plink, plinkey-twannng twang twanng.
Twangey-plink a twangey-plink, twangey-plink a twang,
Plink plink plink, twangey plink a twangey-plink.
He searched throughout the orchard, he searched throughout the wood,
He left his dog in her care, she said the dog was good.
He envied then his best friend, whom she soon grew to love,
When he looked down on them from the rooftops above.
Then One day when Chester, was chasing after dreams,
His dog came home to Annabelle, and its state brought her to scream,
He’d run into a fighting dog and lost in the worst way,
His blood trail led out of the door and into day.
That girl-she tore her skirt for scraps to bind, and hoped he wouldn’t die,
But that hound had to go up, to that doghouse in the sky.
She couldn’t bear to break the news, to Chester to his face,
So she left a note instead and fled home from that place.
Twang-Twang twang, twangy-plink twang twannnng,
Plink plink plink, plinkey-twannng twang twanng.
Twangey-plink a twangey-plink, twangey-plink a twang,
Plink plink plink, twangey plink a twangey-plink.
she wrote: Dear Chester, my time here has been grand,
but you were just a summer love, so I can’t give you my hand,
I hope you’ll forgive me; I couldn’t save your friend,
But the weather vane is blowing south, and the summers at an end.
I didn’t want to leave like this, (and then she shed a tear,)
She wrote: this good dog’s loss is more than I can bear.
Chester looked down at the note, but he had never learned to read,
but he saw his dog’s remains and the tatters of her tweed,
the blood soaked floor and claw marks and he began to seethe,
He left the note there on the floor and into the street he flee’d
He cried: Annabelle! The Orcs have taken Annabelle!
He cried: Annabelle! And my dog the Orcs have slain!
He cried: Annabelle! I will find you Annabelle,
And the Orcs, they will know my pain!
Twang-Twang twang, twangy-plink twang twannnng,
Plink plink plink, plinkey-twannng twang twanng.
Twangey-plink a twangey-plink, twangey-plink a twang,
Plink plink plink, twangey plink a twangey-plink.
He gathered a militia; they scoured all the hills,
To search for Orcs for weeks on end until,
At last he came to realize, as his tears began to pour,
That with such beasts his love could live no more.
He called off the searching. He hewed a marker stone,
By it he buried what she’d left from her home.
Twang-Twang twang, twangy-plink twang twannnng,
Plink plink plink, plinkey-twannng twang twanng.
Twangey-plink a twangey-plink, twangey-plink a twang,
Plink plink plink, twangey plink a twangey-plink.
Now she’s wooed by a sexton in the Midguard city park
While He stands by her empty grave with his broken aching heart,
She was not the girl he made her, though his love will never end,
And that empty grave he ever more shall tend….
Twang-Twang twang, twangy-plink twang twannnng,
Plink plink plink, plinkey-twannng twang twanng.
Twangey-plink a twangey-plink, twangey-plink a twang,
Plink plink plink, twangey plink a twangey-plink.
Come to Malenest!
Whistler grips his lyre fiercely in his left hand, glares at it, and blows on the fingers of his right.
Whistler ‘s right hand lunges to the lyre strings! In a blur of motion he plays:
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Twang! Deedleleedleleedleleedleleedle Twang-Wahhh . . .
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-TWANG!
Whistler ‘s closes his eyes and screams in a gravelly voice:
The Orcs erupted from the ground out from the Vile Rune!
Spreading death and chaos-all they met saw their doom!
Those creatures poured out from the ground- none could stand against!
Till martial elves from all the realm would come to their defense!
The bards lightning fingers strain the lyre to it’s capacity:
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Whistler ‘s gaze scans the room as he screams:
Malenest! Malenest! Come to Malenest!
What elves seek martial fighting, must heed unto our call!
Malenest! Malenest! Come to Malenest!
When elves drop from their treetops, the Vile Rune must fall!
Whistler ‘s voice falls to match the staccato rhythm of the lyre as he shouts:
Guard well your equipment!
Thieves there obfuscate!
Ready battle-bread and potions!
Combat the reprobate!
Finally the time has come
at last, unsheathe your sword!
For Blood, and Battle to the Death!
You go to WAR!
Whistler takes a deep breath while he reemphasizes the heavy rhythm on his lyre:
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Whistler glares at you as he shouts:
This is no place for children!
Leave your spouse at home!
Bring your compatriots!
Let your blade bite to bone!
Finally the time has come
at last, unsheathe your sword!
To cover you in Glory
and cover you in Gore!
Whistler focuses his glare back to his lyre, which strains under his wailing hand:
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Chunga-chunga chunga-Chunga Chunga-Chunga Chunga-CHUNG
Whistler stares deep in your eyes as he screams:
Malenest! Malenest! Come to Malenest!
What elves seek martial fighting, must heed unto our call!
Malenest! Malenest! Come to Malenest!
When elves drop from their treetops, the Vile Rune must fall!
Whistler sneers as he looks out over the audience, chanting:
Not Humans, Halflings nor the Dwarves-
Will find a welcome here!
Unwelcome those cower in
The shadows and in fear!
No Giants, Gnomes or Ogres
They need not apply!
Unless it will be on our swords
They-come-to-die!
We go to WAR!
We go to WAR!
Sweat beads on the small bard’s forehead as his frenzied fingers pluck at the lyre:
Deedle-adeedle-adeet-Twang!
Deedle-adeedle-adeet-Twang!
Deedle-adeedle-adeet-Twang!
Deedle-adeedle-adeet-Twang!
Whistler ‘s full attention on his instrument, he reemphasizes the rhythm behind the melody:
chungchung Chungchung ChungChung CHungCHung CHUNG
Deedle-adeedle-adeet-Twang!
Deedle-adeedle-adeet-Twang!
With his eyes closed and his face twisted in rage, Whistler screams:
Malenest! Malenest! Come to Malenest!
What elves seek martial fighting, must heed unto our call!
Malenest! Malenest! Come to Malenest!
When elves drop from their treetops, the Vile Rune must fall!
Whistler ‘s voice echoes off the walls at his scream:
Unsheathe your sword!
For Glory and Gore!
Unsheathe your sword!
Blood! Death! WAR!
Whistler strum-plucks the final notes of his song:
CHUNG-TWANG!
Whistler gasps for breath and wipes the sweat from his brow.
Whistler bows
Say Moo! (Mithas)
Whistler's Notes: This was the best attended of my song quest songs, even if DarkClaw missed it.
Whistler says: This is a little song about Mithas, I hope you like it.
Whistler takes a deep breath and begins to rap:
Just a little south and west from the western docks,
There’s a little tiny island that really hops,
It’s got minotaurs and mazes and that kind of junk
Now excuse me just a minute while I play some funk.
Whistler brings his trumpet to his lips and lays it down:
Bwaat-Bwaat.
P’dee-dat diddy
Bwap-a-tap
P’dee-dat diddy
P’dee-Bwap
D’dee Bwap-diddy
Bwomp!
The little bard takes a deep breath for a four beat pause and continues:
Bwow-doo Bwomp bwamp doodie
Bwow-doo Bwomp bwamp doodie
Bwow-doo Bwomp bwamp doodie
Bwap!
Whistler drops the horn from his lips to rap:
You know you’re getting’ close when you’ll smell that Stank
(‘cause minotaur manure is really Rank,)
But the people that live there don’t really mind,
Cause all they cows and bulls sing in horny time:
Whistler smiles at the audience and sings:
Moo!
Say Moo!
ev’ry body in the house say Moo!
Say Moo! (Say Moo!)
Say ev’ry body in the house say Moo!
Whistler ‘s grin widens as his rap continues:
Emperor Salinas don’t need no girl,
He got a big bovine beauty to rock his world,
That Empress o he’s don’t need no man,
Less he be a side dish with her Halfling ham.
They got theyselves some servants and a royal guard,
And everybody in the palace likes to party hard,
Whistler waves the audience to join in as he continues:
Say Moo! (Say Moo!)
Say ev’ry body in the house say Moo!
Say Moo! (Say Moo!)
Say Moo! (Say Moo!)
Say ev’ry body in the house say Moo!
Whistler gives a playful nod to the listeners. Smiling, he continues:
The minotaur wizard makes the best of brews,
But someone like Ziruxvunalds might pk you,
An’ though you could see the master of all the thieves,
the Antipaladin done took his leave.
Vekt and Jose’s in the shadows and Loco too,
But It’s been a long time since Daisy said Moo!
Whistler raises both hands to the sides of his head, raising the index finger of each hand.
He dips his head and raises it in a faux gore, then repeats the action as he raps:
When Jose’s in the house Say Moo!
When Vekt’s in the house Say Moo!
When Loco’s in the house Say Moo!
Ev’ry body’s in the house! Say Moo!
Say Moo! (Say Moo!)
Say Moo! (Say Moo!)
Say ev’ry body in the house say Moo!
Whistler grips his trumpet to his chest. With a playful grin he concludes:
This song is the last of my hometown quest,
So please take no offense at my occasional jest,
I hope that you’ve enjoyed all I’ve had to say,
Now let me take this horn and I’ll commence to play
Whistler takes the trumpet and blasts:
Bwaat-Bwaat.
P’dee-dat diddy
Bwap-a-tap
P’dee-dat diddy
P’dee-Bwap
D’dee Bwap-diddy
Bwomp!
The little bard takes a deep breath for a four beat pause and continues:
Bwow-doo Bwomp bwamp doodie
Bwow-doo Bwomp bwamp doodie
Bwow-doo Bwomp bwamp doodie
Bwap!
Whistler gives a mischievous Grin.
Whistler Bows.
Whistler drains the fluid from his trumpet’s spit valve.
THE AUDIENCE GOES WILD!