Top 10 Reasons You Don't Want Khore to Run A Quest

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[ 23] Cordir: Khore's Challenge
Fri Mar 22 02:24:50 2002
To: All

Tonight, Khore challenged the mud to provide him with a
reason to run a quest.

Khore gossips, 'If any of you want a quest soon.'.
Khore gossips, 'Send Cordir an email with the top 10 reasons
why you probably don't want to win a quest run by Khore.'.
( Example : 10 - First prize is a date with Lestat )

The alternate topic of "Top 10 Reasons 'Why you probably don't
want Khore to run a quest'" is also acceptable.
( Example: 10 - He'd suck us all dry and leave the corpses to rot )

Once 30 entries by seperate individuals are recieved, Khore
will run a quest. Entries should be sent to

( Quite obviously, the examples cited above cannot be used.)

In service to His Dark Lordship, Khore, Vampire God of the Undead,
Cordir, personal assistant

Entry #1: The top 10 reasons why you probably don't want to win a quest run by Khore. by CIRTH THE PALE
10. In your attempt to get hold of Khore to retrieve your prize, you must adapt his nighttime schedule, and you'll evolve a sleeping disorder.
9. Seeing as you are so good at winning quests everyone will expect you to win the next one, and the next one and so forth. The pressure eventually building up to the point where you will immort just to get away clean.
8. After winning you realize that you and the immortal Khore don't share the same vocabulary, since you've spent an eternity on a 'short' quest.
7. Everyone simply assume you're a vampire now, since you're so pale after you're last meeting with Khore, and you have to hang out with people like DarkClaw, Palmer and Cirth.
6. When you receive your reward, you realize that 'high stakes' was just another vampire pun.
5. The ones most eager to congratulate you on your success, says things like, 'Oh, nice amulet you have there' and give you funny looks.
4. Bliss will sniff you out and torture you, in her hunt for the huge delicious chocolate bunny that Khore threw in amongst the prizes 'just for fun'.
3. The last time you won, you woke up with confetti in your hair, a headache and a pair of fangs marks on your neck.
2. Unless you're into that kind of thing, a prize consisting of a 50 gallons worth of maidens blood gets old real fast.
1. Khore will insist on 'having you over for a celebration dinner.'

Entry #2: Top 10 reasons you don't want Khore to run a quest- BY MORPHIUS
10. Khore will make us find an item in the realm, that no one has even remotly heard of
9.Khore will put us in situations to where we will all die abuot 10 times
8.Khore will say go Kill Scairz solo, and bag corpse
7. Khore will say go kill Slue, and bag corpse, kill him solo
6.Khore will say go get me a corpse of a mob in newbie hell and bag it, and you must be of level 20 or higher to get it :)
5.Khore will make whoever wins, his slave for eternity
4.Khore will say go kill The Triton King and Queen and bag there corpses
3.Khore will say kill Queen Mariel Solo and steak the corpse
2.Khore will say kill Scriem solo and bag his corpse
1. And the number one reason i dont want Khore to run this quest is, he will most likey say i want you to go down to Zuls chambers and solo him without sanc, and bag his corpse.

10. I'd probably die trying to win.. so why try?
9. We know he'd trick us somehow.
8. The prize would probably be limited and purge next time I log on.
7. His prize would probably be evil only and I'm good.
6. It would be unfair to everyone else if I was the only winner.. I'm into sharing!
5. Khore wouldn't be able to run a quest ever again if I won.. people would mock him.
4. The prize would be so beautiful I could never leave the guild because I'd be looking at it all the time
3. People would misunderstand and look to me for answers in the future.
2. People would just kill me for the prize!
1. Nothing would be fun anymore because Khore would run the best quest ever!

Entry #4: Why I Don’t Want A Khore Quest - BY DRAZUK
10) No Daytime Quests
9) Prize of Autographed Coffin not worth it
8) He only wants a few good men (oh wait, that’s the Marine Corps)
7) Type O Negative gets unfair head start
6) That stupid Transylvanian accent
5) If I lose, I don’t want there to be any bad blood between us
4) Seeds can cause gastric problems if swallowed (doh, that’s Apple Core)
3) Quest boundaries include all stream, creeks and rivers
2) Bats always following me around making sure I follow the rules
1) He Sucks!

Entry #5 : Top ten reasons you probably don't want to play one of Khore's quests: - BY KAERN
10. He makes you write out a whole bunch of reasons why he shouldn't run a quest before you can even start playing.
9. After you scour the entire world to bring him that one special item, he says, "What quest?"
8. During the entire running of the quest, everyone must listen to ominous organ music.
7. Since he already looks like that when he gets up in the evening, it will do no good to bribe him with mascara, lipstick, or hair gel.
6. With Khore's quests, there are winners and losers...and the losers populate Sanguinna.
5. You just might win Khore's specialty: he'll take any one piece of worthless equipment you own and magically transform it into a no-drop.
4. If you die during questing, it may earn you extra gravy points, because Khore gets to enjoy your corpse.
3. First prize is a lifetime supply of false teeth.
2. Grand prize is an all-expenses-paid, seven-day, six-night stay in a coffin.
And the number one reason you probably don't want to play one of Khore's quests: When you're done and it's finally time to turn your items in, Khore will be waiting for you in a no-exit, shark-infested underwater tank!

Entry #6: The Top 10 Reasons I don't want Khore to run a Quest- BY NYX
10. I'd like to keep my soul right where it is, thank you very much.
9. I currently have no need for the xp/eq/notoriety/gold/etc. that would come from winning such a thing.
8. I am running out of ways to complement him on a quest well done without sounding repetitious.
7. His quests are biased towards people who leave the guild and wander around.
6. I would end up looking very hypocritical at my weekly Players Boycotting Khore's Quests (PBKQ) meeting.
5. Because he's Eeeeeeeeeeevilllllllllllllllll, that's why.
4. I didn't win the last quest he ran and I'm still bitter about that.
3. I would get too involved in such a thing, ultimately forgetting to go to school, to go to work, to eat...
2. I don't like being manipulated into entertaining an Immortal with my pitiful attempts to play a Game of his devising any more often than I really have to.
... and finally:
1. Seeing massive golems deal out ungodly amounts of damage to each other makes me feel inadequate and less of a man.

Entry #7: Top ten reasons why I wouldn't wanna win Khore's quest:- BY NITIDUS
10 - It would look bad on my resume
9 - He doesn't brush his fangs.
8 - I have a hard time to hold all my stuff as it is!
7 - He said so!
6 - The quest would be over!
5 - I'd get even more addicted!
4- I would stay in guild the rest of my life to protect it (the prize).
3 - I can't deal with evils ( Policy handed down by my god!)
2- Laetitia Casta is my girlfriend, and he would wanna trade her for my prize
1- vampires and bards don't mingle.

10 - All mobs you kill from then on adds to your EXPNEXT rather then deduct
9 - All eq you have will turn into Charisma eq
8 - 1st place is an encore presentation of the Lich singing about beer. (If you don't get that one, see Cordir's "Snippets and Bits page on her website")
7 - Your vocabulary would be limited to "BOOGA, MUHA and Weeeeeeeee!"
6 - Pez would be promoted to Implementor
5 - You'd win a date with Molo as first place
4 - Myronides would lead millions of elves to conquering the realm of TFC
3 - bug list would be longer then the idea list
2 - Merrick, Mish and Guido charge a 99.9% cut for storing gold
1 - The DawnBringers return and become the most active following on TFC

Entry #9: BY SABELLA
10. The mud can't take that much dark, gothic vampire-ness without becoming anemic.
9. Losing would be so depressing, people would flock to Sanguinna and try to become vampires.
8. The winners won't be posted on the Time line anyway, since Cordir won't list Anathema.
7. Khore will be grumpy about the work and rift us all afterwards for weeks.
6. Using DELETEME is probably safer and involves less exp/life/limb/eq loss...
5. Everyone knows that the Coven would win since Khore is Bliss's love slave
4. The Conclave won't do anything to help EARN the quest but they'll win it anyway, the rat bastards, and lord it over everyone.
3. He gives the losers to Rhiannyon to play with.
2. Shouldn't we all be PK'ing anyway? Roleplay and quests are for "losers."
1. Everyone is far to busy bitching about the damage cap and how hard it is to PK now to bother with a silly quest, and really, isn't that more important?

Entry #10 - Top 10 reasons why I wouldn't want to win a Khore Quest: BY NOCTUS
10. I would have to prepare a thank you speech.
9. Last time I competed, I had to stay up all night since Vampires seem to prefer quests at 5 o'clock in the morning.
8. No event could possibly compete with Lady Tranquility & Noctus's wedding.
7. Quests run by Vampires give whole new meaning to the words blood-sport
6. Khore will keep Laetitia Casta for himself, so she will not be the grand prize
5. Khore will keep Christy Turlington for himself, so she will not be the grand prize either
4. I’m not good at bribing male Vampires.
3. I’m still mourning over the tragic death of our beloved golem.
2. I'll probably get disqualified since asking Buffy to aid me is against general Vampire rules.
1. I suck at lapdancing *

* Lanfear of the Chosen performed a lapdance for Khore at one point. Yes. There’s a log. No, you don’t get to see it.

Entry #11: The Top Ten reasons I wouldn't want to win a Quest run by Khore...AUTHOR UNKNOWN
10: I'd become a big pk target.
9: You just know there'd be a secret catch ;).
8: After winning, he'd rift you and take back the prize!
7: The TFC fame would be too much.
6: The prize would end up being a perm change sex spell.
5: If he decides to give you your prize during a fight where you've gotten hurt, he might want decide on a little snack.
4: Khore prizes always have that funny smell.
3: I'm allergic to winning.
2: After the Quest he'd discover Buffy is my sister.
1: Before receiving the prize he'd make me sit through 3 entire Fateful Hours so I really earn it.

Entry #12 - Here is my Top Ten reasons why I wouldn't want to win a Khore Quest Prize- BY WISH
10. Trust me, "One Khore Flesh Flaying Back-Rub in Front of a Warm Fire" sounds much better than it feels.
9. Handing out itchy knit sweaters and silver dollar coins is my grandparents job, thank you very much.
8. I think there's a TFC rule against making Lins my personal love slave.
7. The small print always says "Caution: Usage of this product may cause seizures and rectal bleeding."
6. I stopped playing with dolls years ago.
5. Two words: "Chia Pet"
4. How much fun can you possibly have with "A Small Jar of Country Potpourri"?
3. I already have a t-shirt that says, "Khore went to Disney World and all I got was this crappy t-shirt."
2. The last prize I got from him involved 1000 stitches and a barium enema, and frankly, I don't think I can go through that again.
1. Seriously, does anyone really need another set of Ginsu steak knives?!

Entry #13 - BY PLATO
10. Rumor has it, Cordir will kiss the winner *gasp*
9. Khore gives out crappy prizes to the winners.
8. I'm a quest master, Khore couldn't make a quest I can't win, so I'm not going to try. (sticking nose up in the air)
7. I don't want a date with Khore.
6. Bridget, doesn't like me to be in quests, because it takes me away from our kisses time.
5. What kind of prize is a trip to demon Realm?
4. WHAT, the winner gets deathtouched in the Guild Hall. awww Wait, I swear, I cheated. I must forfeit the prize.
3. But I don't want to be your slave for a whole week.
2. The winner get Permanent sex change, let me think about it (put my hand on my hip and throws my head back) I don't think so!
1. You are going to force the winner to type delete me. I'll stand down and give the prize to Mordith, he was the second place winner.

Entry #14 - Top 10 Reasons why you probably don't want to win a quest run by Khore BY CLUE
10) Blood-red cloak clashes with my hair.
9) Only able to play during night time hours would put a crimp in my sleep schedule.
8) The pair of tiny bat wings sprouting from my head would look funny.
7) Green eyes would make it hard to hide in bat form.
6) Rather eat STEAK than STAKE.
5) I don't want to be affected by dispel undead.
4) I like my steak MEDIUM WELL, thank you, not RARE!
3) I like EXP'ing in Sanguinna and wouldn't want to harm my own kind.
2) Isn't one DarkClaw wickedly-vampirishly seductive ENOUGH for the mud? Or do we NEED more vampire wenches running around?
and the number 1 reason you probably don't want to win a quest run by Khore
1) Two words ... Bite Marks.

10) After the quest, Khore will take your heart out and play with it.
9) The quest involves removing any article of clothing at any time
8) First Prize is a rubber ducky that affects charisma by 10
7) you have to beat khore in a magic spell match!
6) First prize, going to buy chocolate for bliss
5) quest is a race from masters to MG, starting from the Lady of the towers' room
4) First prize is a 5 dmg!!!!!............ and lose 4 points of Natural dex
3) quest involves racing Maldobar to an item
2) Fighting slue while Khore spells him up
1) get a crack at scairz in a closed room, with only Bliss's chocolate, and 10 chr rubber ducky, in Khores's silence. =)

10. Pez would transform into a pack of Nerdz candy.
9. All area's would be designed by Ptarchyzk when he's drunk.
8. Tynian would be angered and decide to rift everyone in sight.
7. Tirant would un-deleteme self, and then become a God+
6. The fountain in guild transforms into a sex change machine
5. The social "Fart" would be reinstated and a requirement for everyone's title ( IE: Tynian: Illusions, Inc. **FART**)
4. JP comes back and decides to go Nashite
3. fate would begin to talk street slang to everyone
2. The only class clerics could duel into would be thieves
1. Because 1st place would be presented to anyone BUT Artanis (that sexy devil!)

Entry #17 - top 10 reasons why you probably don't want to win a quest run by Khore- BY MAEL
10. Khore is Evil.
9. Khore is devious.
8. Khore doesn't want you to win.
7. Because you would have to beat Mael and that would upset him.
6. If you win it means you've invested at least 30 hours of your time trying.
5. Khore might give you some really nice eq and then you'd have something to lose.
4. Winning could endanger your loser reputation.
3. You've already hit the damage cap anyway.
2. He'd probably make you a vampire.
1. To become undead you first have to become dead.

Entry #18 - --Why Khore should not run another Quest--BY LEGIONNAIRE
10. Because if i win i might get another item autographed by Khore
9. Because then i'd have something to do and i wouldnt be bored anymore
8. Because then everyone will be on and i'll never find any decent randoms
7. Because then id have more notes to read and im trying to stay illiterate
6. Because then I'd never get any sleep and then my power bill would rise and my phone bill would.....
5. Because then I'd prolly have to learn even more zones to find the items
4. Because everyone knows Khore always has something cruel in his quests
3. Because after another Khore quest im BOUND to need therapy
2. Because Khores quests are way too much fun for my boring life style
1. Can you immagine the utter chaos while another Khore quest is running!

#19 - hello, heres my reasons.- BY SIN
10. Umm...does this involve leaving gh?
9. DR can be a rather nasty place.
8. Khores definatly worse than bounty hunters.
7. I'm afraid of the last place prize.
6. Because believe it or not, i am sane and sober.
5. Why quest when you can hunt the questors?
4. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Khores quest is sure to kill me.
3. It's much safer to participate in a Pez quest.
2. You sure as hell can't trust a half-elf. (You are a half elf right)?
1. Khores soul rift ANNHILATES you!

#20 - BY LEXIE 10. The prize undoubtedly will have some vampire-related name.
9. I won't be able to visit Sanguinna without Ybarra looking at me funny.
8. Vampire bats will swarm around me like rabid gnats.
7. Dalaran will be jealous and try to steal the prize.
6. Ravaged will rift me...and rift me...and rift me...and rift me.
5. Nazca will make some highly over-inflated deal if I try to trade the prize for the chocolate cookie and other goodies.
4. Khore will make some highly over-inflated gesture that stops my heart if I try to trade the quest prize.
3. I am deathly afraid of the Void.
2. The prize is probably a shock collar in disguise, set to go off every time I shout, "GIRL POWER."
1. There is a string attached to the prize involving servitude to the Vampire Lord.

Entry #21 - Top Ten Reasons Khore Should Not Run A Quest- BY DRYSTAN
10 - Fangs disturb me.
9 - Have you not seen his calling card? That is _so_ not the calling card of a Nice Person.
8 - He needs to quit doing quest before he uses up all the good ideas.
7 - I like my MUD like my oatmeal: quiet and predictable. Also, no lumps.
6 - He probably can't top his last quest, so he should stop while he's ahead.
5 - - Anyone who requests 30 lists (of ten reasons each) why they should not do something is obviously looking for a way out of doing that thing. Why force him to do something he doesn't want to do?
4 - The weasels would rebel.
3 - His quests usually involve having to beat stuff up... and I bruise easily.
2 - He will want Something in return. Vampires always do.
1 - If you transform the letters of his name into their corresponding number from the English alphabet (11, 8, 15, 18, 5), then multiply these numbers together (=118800), then add each of the digits together (=18), add those digits together (=9), then re-transform that value back to its alphabetical correspondent, you will get the letter 'I.' Obviously, then, Khore is subconsciously only ever thinking of himself and so any quest he constructs will ultimately be self-serving.

Entry #22 - Why I don't want Khore to run a quest: BY DUVEL
10. Discussing an intricate and sophisticated sport like cricket with Gup on gossip is much more educational for run-of-the-mill baseball fans.
9. Quests attract players, increasing mud lag and screen clutter.
8. Quests distract clerics from their honourable obligation to cure disease when called upon to do so.
7. Quests distract mages from their primary duty of IDing in the guild.
6. Encouraging learning and exploration will cause over-grazing of obscure XP zones.
5. Encouraging learning and exploration creates the risk of being challenged in Mob Mastery.
4. Encouraging learning and exploration makes one more vulnerable in remote XP zones.
3. Zones like Jester's Keep are better left undiscovered.
2. One might win items or restrings that are best described as PK bait.
1. Doing the bidding of a blood-sucking vampire is way too kinky for a family mud.

Entry #23 = BY BRIDGET
10 - .Then he's going to ask for interesting and new things *shiver* that get the opportunity to explore who wants that these days?
9.He might think we like it and ask even more stupid things then he already does....
8.When his fantasy is as good as mine i'm afraid were we'll end
7 He's starting a dating game after it
6.You need to make him laugh...*impossible job*
5. He wants all female characters in a ballet
4.People might think you know something about the game
3. You cant whine anymore that there's nothing to do
2. You get all the people after you when win
1. I hate to start this all over again

Entry #24 - BY MARISA
10. Khore will be overtaken by an sudden wild urge to marry an ogress, and the quest will be postponed.
9. Bliss will drip melted chocolate over the quest details, and the quest will be postponed.
8. Since it'll be scheduled for the dead of night, only the Dutch players will show up for it, and the quest will be postponed.
7. Khore will break his fingers or something at the last minute, and the quest will be postponed.
6. Khore will, for "unexplained reasons", be unable to login, and the quest will be postponed.
5. Khore's familiar (do vampires have familiars?) will throw up all over the quest details, and the quest will be postponed.
4. The latest company to acquire primenet/frontiernet/globalcrossing/earthlink/whatever-it's-called-now will shutdown the server tfc is hosted on, and the quest will be postponed.
3. Syla will unretire and send Khore on some errands, and the quest will be postponed.
2. Khore will say "Did I say send in 30 entries and there will be a quest? I meant 30 FUNNY entries", and the quest will be postponed.
And the number one reason why I probably dont want Khore to run a quest is...
..because the quest will be postponed

Entry #25 - the Top 10 reasons Khore should never run a quest- BY MIREYA
10) One word...Treeopheliac
9) Grand Prize - A serious lack of tanning potential
8) Cause face it...Dark...Broody...Sharp Teeth...Do you really want to piss him off?
7) Does he really have your best interest at heart?
6) All the quests would be run at night
5) His idea of a good time is cutting you open and making blood angels
4) I do not wish a tour of DR
3) I'm allergic to pain
2) Cause if you say, "This bites" He may
1) I faint at the sight of blood

Entry #26 - Top 10 Worst Prizes I might win if Khore Ran A Quest....BY GARLAND
10. A hampster.
9. A hampster wearing a pink dress.
8. A hampster wearing a pink dress and lipstick.
7. A hampster wearing a pink dress, lipstick and eye shadow.
6. A hampster wearing a pink dress, lipstick, eye shadow and wanting a kiss.
5. A hampster wearing a pink dress, lipstick, eye shadow and wanting a kiss while dancing.
4. A hampster wearing a pink dress, lipstick, eye shadow, wanting a kiss while dancing and wanting you to join in the dance.
3. A hampster wearing a pink dress, lipstick, eye shadow, wanting a kiss while dancing and threatening you to join in the dance
2. A hampster wearing a pink dress, lipstick, eye shadow, wanting a kiss while dancing and threatening you to join in the dance at gun point.
1. A hampster dancing with CRAIGE! *SHIVER*

Entry #28 - May I humbly submit, my ten...BY TALMUD
10. All other needs -- sleep, study, family, food -- will quickly be pushed aside.
9. You may end up in places where you'll never see the light of day again.
8. You may start having dreams of legions of the undead hunting you, and then realize that it isn't a dream--it's the quest.
7. You may lose a level (or three) in the process.
6. Death is not the worst thing that could happen to you should you fail.
5. You remember his other quests?
4. If you manage to win, you'll be hunted and killed for the prize by somebody else anyway.
3. Vampires do one thing well -- they suck.
2. This quest may have potential side effects, including paleness and claminess of skin, an onset of photophobia, dental problems, and an insatiable longing for blood.
1. You want to win.

Entry #29: BY LINS
10 - 1 : The reason I would NOT want to win a Khore quest, is cos I'm too sexy. I don't want him to suck my blood!

Entry #30 - Ten Reasons why Khore should not run a quest. - BY TRANQUILITY
10. How can you run a proper quest with bats in your belfry.
9. Quests run by undead only mean *more* undead.
8. Not everyone *likes* Sanguinna
7. Two words. Shark Bait
6, Not everyone has a penchant for hickeys or neck scarves.
5. Who'd wanna win a prize from a two-eyed, two-horned flyin' pale-butt people eater?
4. Isn't he former Mischief?!
3. I'd never win 1st place in the "people eating" contest.
2. I've seen what he did to his *followers*
1. Who wants a Cannon as a first prize?

Entry #31: Why I don't want to win a contest run by khore:BY RATH
10. All of the following will be invovled: Pain, discomfort, fuzzy bunnies.
9. I'd have to talk to Khore to get my prize.
8. People would bug me to find out what kind of prize it was.
7. I'd have to go into his smelly office.P U
6. I'd have to be cheerful because I won.
5. Something might be mentioned about it on the timeline
4. It would probably invovle something silly like roleplaying
3. I'd probably be pk'd for the prize
2. Khore repeats quests(i.e. golem quest)
...and the number one reason...
1. His prizes aren't as good as Lorna's.
(writer's addendum - sarcasm was invovled for (some) of the top 10 list.)

#32 - Top 10 Reasons Why I Probably Don't Want Khore to Run a Quest BY WHOZ
10. I very nearly got fired for slacking when he ran the last one
9. The last time he ran a quest, bad things happened in the real world
8. I must work more and MUD less
7. Surely it's someone else's turn to run a quest?
6. I must work more and MUD less
5. Mael's equipment may well get EVEN better
4. I must work more and MUD less
3. I should be writing a zone, NOT getting distracted by quests
2. I must work more and MUD less
1. Lins' equipment may well get EVEN better

Entry #33 - BY LANFEAR
10) I never win a quest run by Khore
9 ) Khore's quests are held at the worst time of the day (for Dutchies anyway !)
8) Bad apples leave a nasty taste on my tongue *licks lips*
7) Khore-quests involve an insane amount of no-drops
6) Tokugawa is easier bribed then Khore
5) I don't think I can handle another soul-debt
4) When Khore is around, the hair on the back of my neck starts to prickle
3) Khore doesn't work at the TFC-bloodbank, so He will most likely drink contender-blood
2) lapdance taken to the next level *wink* *wiggle*
1) Khore is far too distractingly sexy for me to concentrate on any quest

#34 - Natis No Win Khore Quest Entry - BY NATILENA


10 - If he's in a bad mood, he might swap the grand prize for a "I won KhoreQuest and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" shirt.
9 - Because the winner, being of clearly superior stock, might tempt him to have an impromptu snack.
8 - Because standing still for the publicity photos would emphasize how much better dressed he is than the rest of us.
7 - Because Khore smiling at you is not a sight mortal eyes can bear.
6 - Because the blood you'd have to wade through to win would -never- wash out.
5 - Because there are a lot easier ways to get the fifth prize of an official "KhoreQuest" keychain.
4 - Because the fourth prize of being "Midgaard Mayor for a Day" would just leave YOU getting hunted for XP instead of him.
3 - Becuase the third prize of a "harem of dusky beauties" is of dubious enjoyment value when the only part of your body they want is internal.
2 - Because the second prize of a "lifetime supply of blood" isn't a problem for people with normal circulatory systems.
1- Because the grand prize of "immortality" leaves you unable to chew solid food, much like my grandmother.