Dojo of the Nightblades - Revision history

Cordir: added notes

2012-05-22T19:15:47Z

added notes

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:15, 22 May 2012
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			== Temple Feedback: ==
			Prior to becoming a DemiGod, Whitehawk sent me a copy of his temple draft and following concept, asking me for feedback. His final version was very different than his initial draft. Here's my notes. - [[User:Cordir\|Cordir]] 12:15, 22 May 2012 (MST)

			Dear Whitehawk:

			You’ve come up with a very intriguing following concept, but one that dances along the “in-genre” rules set down by Tynian. If you could find a different word to use, other than “Ninja”, I think you’d be just fine.

			Name Suggestions: Pathfinders / Students of the Way / Wayfinders / or perhaps a Japanese word that means something like “student-warrior” or something along those lines.

			I like how you don’t focus on the structure of the temple, but allow the birds and people there to be the primary relater of information. I’m a little confused as to what EFA is there for, other than to be a cute chick… Also, why does the male ogre giggle? That one sentence seems very out of place in this rather cool, japanese style temple/school

			One thing I saw that is an issue is very long blocks of description. This is something to be mindful of, as many players use TELNET and cannot scroll back to read what is written as it streams by. So keep your paragraphs short.

			The primary thing to focus on when crafting a following and a temple is this: Focus on your theme. When you want to add something, ask, “Does this reflect, enhance, or clarify my theme?” You’ve done a good job of keeping that focus.


			Suggestions on your temple:

			One of the hardest things to do, is craft a temple both for the first glance of a newcomer, and for the eyes of those who have looked at it day in and day out since they joined. “Active” versus “passive” verbs in the description affect how its read. Most of us (myself included) make our temples “active” voice – so it always reads as if the viewer has just entered the room for the first time. This is both a good and a bad thing – you have to decide for yourself, which you want to express.

			Holy Altar:
			(Green Aura) A beautiful hawk watches you closely.

			NOTE: realize that your Altar (the hawk) is an OBJECT, not a mob. That means its going to look a little weird if you ever OPEN the altar. You can avoid that by always creating your holy symbols, rather than taking one from your altar.


	[[Category:Places]]		[[Category:Places]]
	[[Category:Temples]]		[[Category:Temples]]

Cordir: Category:Places Category:Temples

2011-04-28T15:32:10Z

Category:Places Category:Temples

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:32, 28 April 2011
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			[[Category:Places]]
			[[Category:Temples]]

Cordir: Created page with "You are standing within the Nightblades' Dojo. The floors are polished
hardwood and the walls are paper screens. A weapon display lines the east
wall, a seating area to t..."

2011-02-08T17:52:43Z

Created page with "You are standing within the Nightblades' Dojo. The floors are polished hardwood and the walls are paper screens. A weapon display lines the east wall, a seating area to t..."

New page

You are standing within the Nightblades' Dojo. The floors are polished 
hardwood and the walls are paper screens. A weapon display lines the east 
wall, a seating area to the south and a strange indoor garden lies to the west. 
 
'''Look NORTH:''' 
A simple sliding door is the entryway to the Dojo. 
 
'''Look EAST''': 
Assorted weapons line the east wall, most predominately a beautifully 
presented katana. 
 
'''Look SOUTH:''' 
A tasseled cushion is on a dais against the south wall. Various other 
cushions are scatted on the floor below it. It is presumably an area for 
members to talk with each other. 
 
'''Look WEST:''' 
The west wing opens up to a huge garden. A small soothing waterfall cascades 
down from a steam deep within the garden. A leather bound book lies open upon 
the rocks. 
 
'''Look UP:''' 
Perched upon the rafters is a strange little hawk. 
 
'''Look DOWN:''' 
Wooden floors. Feels nice. 
 
'''Look HAWK''': 
Its feathers are pure-white in colour. A faint dark purple aura surrounds its 
body. It watches you closely.... watching you like a.. er.. hawk. 
 
'''Look KATANA''': 
The metal is polished to near flawlessness. The handle is made of wood, 
painted black, carved in a simple design more practicle than for show. A 
small note underneath reads: 
"The sword Whitehawk used in his last days as a mortal." 
 
'''Look BOOK''': 
The book is full of text and diagrams; skimming through it you find an 
important passage. 
 
...after enough experience a member might have bonded with their totem animal 
that collaborates with their own spirit. Most likely this animal is one that 
follows their attitude and natural behaviour. 
 
Whilst this behaviour only slightly accents them at rest, an attack on them or 
the following is enough to release the total spirit within them. Once 
unleashed, they become very unpredictable, their instincts are focused 
onto destroying those who attacked...

Dojo of the Nightblades - Revision history

Cordir: added notes

Cordir: Category:Places Category:Temples

Cordir: Created page with "You are standing within the Nightblades' Dojo. The floors are polished hardwood and the walls are paper screens. A weapon display lines the east wall, a seating area to t..."

Cordir: Created page with "You are standing within the Nightblades' Dojo. The floors are polished
hardwood and the walls are paper screens. A weapon display lines the east
wall, a seating area to t..."