What if Thaygar had gone Good?
by Ananasi and Nyx, with Technical Assistance by Thaygar
*Drink! Drink from the crystalline chalice of squamous purity! Feel the Sacred Maggots of Eldritch Holiness as they cleanse you of all your iniquity!*
The young dwarf Bjornagain Strongintheleg (BS for short) hesitated on the point of raising the small goblet to his lips. Just what _was_ 'squamous' purity anyway? His eyes fell briefly to the contents of the glass. Something squirmed. So did his stomach.
BS squeaked and hastily downed the draft ofwhatever. It wiggled.
*Be welcome to the ranks of the Congregation of the Alabaster Foot!*
BS paused, then tried to mouth his way through the words. Congre...kanga...roo?
There was a silence as the waiting deity divined the nature of the problem. *The Collective of the Alabaster Foot?*
Exasperation. *The _Crew_ of the Alabaster Foot. And don't ask what alabaster is.*
BS smiled. Gold teeth gleamed. "The squamous crew of the aba-lobster foot?"
A pause. *Close enough. You...learn quickly.*
"I'm squamous for it, Lord!"
There was a meaningful clearing of a godly throat. *As it were. This One has already satisfied Himself that you are ... adequately ... versed in the multitudinous requirements of our munificently benevolent Path, the rigorously cryptic strictures observed by the Congthe Crew. The eldritch Light of the Alabaster Foot will guide your studies as you walk further along this path.*
"I hear and obey, O Pachydermally Liquescent One!" BS enthused.
There was a small not-sound, such as might have been made by a deity doing a double-take and blinking. *Er...yes. So. The moment has arrived for you to commence your portentous journey, an endeavor best undertaken elsewhere. Do not unwisely limit your educational perambulations to the
Temple precincts. Others of the Con...Crew have found that not all those they encounter understand our ways. You...may find yourself particularly
afflicted by this difficulty. Yet persevere, for the eldritch Light of the Alabaster Foot will be with you always.*
"Aye, O Iridescently Batrachian Lord! I humbly accept this numinous charge and do hereby devote myself most perniciously to educating the young, seeking truttacious wisdom, protecting the weak and licentious, and cleansing bunnies of their purity and innocence!"
This time the pause was of truly gigantic proportions. There were several abortive attempts at speech, then finally: *This One applauds your... articulatory enthusiasm. However, He suggests that you invest time in semantic investigation.*
BS thrust his trusty battle-axe to the sky and called out with all the power of his dwarven ancestors and lungs, "SQUAMOUS!"
Return to the Writing Corner
Click here to return to timeline